Patience.

4 weeks ago Jacob fractured his leg when a little girl pushed him over on a bouncy castle. 4 weeks later and he is still not walking, not confident on his legs at all, he can do a small distance holding my hand but that is it.

I am shattered. I am so upset for him. I know it's only a fractured leg, it could have been a lot worse, but seeing your child, who has only been walking for less than a year, suddenly become unable again, is breaking me in two. I honesty don't know how long this is going to take. It could take another week, or another month? I've got to stay positive and be patient but god I'm finding it hard today!

The plaster came off last Thursday, it's now Monday and he's still crying if I ask him to have a little walk with me. We have another follow up appointment tomorrow, and the absolute worst that can happen is they put him back in plaster. 

Fingers crossed for us x

Everything's rosy.

"Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford"

Innit, Samuel.

We are HOME! Last Friday we arrived and its been a pretty god damn awesome week so far. We're all moved in and settled in the new house in Ealing, loving the area, the house, our mates in the area have been fab; helping us collect or stuff from storage etc..We feel as though we have been here forever, and more importantly we feel so at home here. This was definitely where we were meant to end up. At the moment I can say we made the right decision to come home, it's early days but I believe in my heart this was what we needed, and although there are a lot of things I'll miss about Australia (it's really quite comforting seeing family 24/7) I know that home is indeed, where the heart is.

I don't want to sound patronising but I wasn't ready to let London go yet, I've got unfinished business with you sonny jim! I'm looking at Nurseries in the area, and job hunting for a long term career change! ;) Mike loves his job at Caravan and he has weekends off for the first summer in a long long time, Jacob is on top form despite his fractured leg, he's got over a week left in the plaster and then he's free. I honestly can't wait to see my baby run again, it's the little things you take for granted.

Bizarrely this little pocket of happiness comes nearly one year after our lives were turned upside down, it's taken a full year to recover and their have been many tears, self doubt, and even the thought that I'd be better off alone and being single, that I can fend for my self and Jacob without the need for anyone else. Life has been hard, and when life gets hard I self pity, I ask why me? Why now? Why my luck? Why why why. The thing is life is hard for everyone, not just me, I've always been a tough cookie but was slowly getting into the habit of blaming everybody and everything but myself, I turned into the kind of person I normally loathe. Now, I make decisions, I deal with the consequences, I fight for what I believe in and I trust my instincts (please always, always trust your instincts!) I'm also pledging to let the people around me in a bit more, to not shut people out and blame. 

My goodness what a year! I have learnt so much and I hope I've changed for the better. Everything is still now, everything is calm, and I'm sure as hell just going to enjoy that feeling for a while!

x