Nursery Guilt....

So, in a months time shortly after Jacob's first birthday, he will be attending nursery two days a week. We viewed the place, Snapdragons in Corsham, Wilts, yesterday and it was a lovely nursery. The staff were warm, enthusiastic and friendly and the place had a lovely, colourful, happy feel about it, I guess I'll be registering him asap.
On the way home I couldn't help but feel a bit guilty, and scared. Am I being ridiculous? I know it's not an uncommon sight to see mums and dads shedding a tear after dropping their little ones at nursery for the first time, but is Jacob just a little too young?
Urgh. It's 2 days a week! I think I'm probably being a bit hard on myself here. He'll probably have a great time and won't even notice I've gone, and an even sillier part of me thinks maybe he'll enjoy being away from me because I'm boring and tired all the time, and his stupid dog is continually eating his toys etc etc and as soon as he can talk, he'll be begging me to go full time!

Any advice would be greatly appreciated! :) L x

Country Bumpkin!!!

Well, it seems Mike and I have officially lost the plot... We've decided (after a lot of thought) to take on a restaurant/bar/guest-house in the Wiltshire countryside! We are leaving London, baby!

The Crown Inn is a 15th century old coaching inn about 25 mins drive from the ridiculously beautiful Bath. It's just been done up all nice and fancy and that..and it has eight charming guest-rooms. There is a cottage right next too that we shall live in and a nursery up the road for Jacob! It really is amazeballs.

As much as I love London, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of waiting for buses (and then not being able to get on because there's two prams on already) I'm sick of having no money because everything we earn goes on extortionate rent/council tax. And mostly I think I'm just sick of walking around a city I no longer feel a part of. I've been off work now for over a year and as much as I've enjoyed lovely walks with Jacob and the mutt (I'll tell you more about that little shit another day) there's something about being a mother with a pram walking around on your own all day that just makes you feel so excluded from all the hustle and bustle of excitement that living in London should offer. And I know, I could get a job here and re-join but that's where ridiculously expensive child care issues come into play!

So I think it's far to say I'm looking forward to a new challenge, getting my hands dirty, using my BRAIN! And although I'll be limited to doing emails and reservations/paperwork etc in the evening, it's a START and I can't wait!!!

Plus I just bought a Barbour, and can finally wear my pink wellies!! ;D

Meet Jacob.....

This little munchkin here is my Jacob. I will no doubt be blogging a lot about this little bundle of joy and mayhem! He is already turning into the most funny, wonderfully knowing and affectionate young boy and he's only a month shy of his 1st Birthday. He's smart, he can outwit you and my god for one so young he has the attitude already! His turning one is approaching fast, and I feel slightly petrified at the prospect of my baby becoming a toddler. They tell you it goes fast, but I don't think you can ever be mentally prepared for how fast it REALLY does go. It only seems like yesterday (I know it's a cliche but motherhood is full of 'em!) that I was lying in hospital with this little thing gazing up at me, big eyes, so aware, so alert (unlike myself after 16 hours of labour ending in c section) it was so exciting, but terrifying! When we got home I remember sitting watching Eastenders, breast pump on (he didn't latch) boobs leaking every where as I desperately tried to express enough for his night feeds, I burst into full on melodramatic, bogey sobs with the overwhelming exhaustion of it all.

But yet I miss those days.

When we were weaning and the poor sod couldn't eat a bit of toast without me eyeballing him and having 999 typed into the phone (just in case).
One day, he decided to have a little cough whilst he was eating (as you do) I jumped up, making a noise that resembled a mating fox, stuck a finger in his mouth and dragged the toast out kicking and screaming! I'm surprised I didn't put him off food, or at least toast, for life.

But again, I really miss those days.

I think I know now that it is time for me to look ahead, we still have so many milestones, so many things to learn from each other and moments that will tie us together. We will grow TOGETHER and for that I'am truly excited.

So on his big day I won't cry, I WILL not cry!! But I won't be throwing away his steriliser just yet. I will keep it as an act of defiance. And as a reminder of that breathtaking, excruciating, exhilarating and simply wonderful, first year.

With my wonderful, Jacob.

Inspired a generation?...I think so.

Today is an all day CBeebies and lots of tea marathon, after staying up late to watch the Olympics Closing Ceremony last night. Along with millions of people worldwide I watched in awe at this fantastic display of all things GB! And loved every minute of it. From the Spice Girls, to Muse, hilarious Russell Brand adding the hedonistic hippy 60's vibe, to the absolutely heart achingly beautiful performance from an incredibly strong man, Gary Barlow. I wanted to cry, but didn't. If he can stay strong singing such a beautiful poignant song so soon after the loss of his baby girl, then so can we. We owe him that.

These last few weeks we have seen hope, glory, tears and pure pride. I cannot fathom why there has been such negativity towards such a positive event being held in our city (the finances aside please.) I had a debate with a friend on Facebook the other day because he declared "I find it funny and pathetic how people who were never interested in sports claim to love it now"

WHAT IS SO WRONG WITH THAT?
At some point in a person's life they have seen something that inspires them to be who they want to be, or a new hobby or interest. I wasn't the slightest bit interest in cookery until I met my chef OH, I now spend hours watching cookery programmes and reading recipes. You embrace what's in front of you surely? Jessica Ennis and her fellow Team GB competitors may not have become medal winning athletes had they not watched the Olympics as children. Maybe. The point is, these games have indeed inspired a generation, and so much more.

The Olympics Closing Ceremony

Excited! Vino in hand.... Woooooooo hoooo!