TWIN

In case anyone didn't know, I'm a twin, and in one hour and 13 minutes my twin and I will be 29 years old! I cannot fathom that I have spent 29 years next to this absolute nutcase. My mum told me the other day that with the help of groundbreaking new scan footage they've proven twins fight in the womb... Eh? I could have told you all that years ago! Me and Anita have been fighting from the moment our arms and legs had developed. We used to punch each other in the nose whilst sitting in our double buggy as toddlers, and steal and throw away each others dummy's.

Thankfully we've grown out of a few of those old habits (haven't punched her in the nose since 1999 when she said for a joke she wishes she was injured so she could have the day off work - I said I'm sorry!) She is without a shadow of a doubt, my best friend, one of the only people in the world that can make me collapse belly laughing just by giving me a look. She totally gets me, humours me when I'm being a complete idiot (quite often) and absolutely worships the ground my son walks on. She's the funniest, coolest girl I know, slightly mental, with a phobia of apples on buses (that provide no end of entertainment) a cracking sense of humour, and the ability to instantly make me feel better, just by being there.
From the Gloria Estafan, Kylie days, to the Take That/Boyzone era, all through the Spice Girls years where we found ourselves dancing on chairs at the ROyal Albert Hall to 'Who Do You Think You Are!' and continuing through Britney Spears/Backstreet Boys past the Millennium, the end of School/The class of 2000 and into Adulthood!..Where we found ourselves in our early twenties in Clapham and carving our way in the world. Throughout my journey into Motherhood she's been by my side every step of the way, turning up every day for 3 months after Jacob was born and being a constant support throughout the battles.
Thank you neet, it's been an absolute blast! And you are an absolute LEGEND.

Happy Birthday x x x

Why I'm looking forward to saying Goodbye, 2012.

"From the end, spring new beginnings"

As 2012 draws to a close and a brand new year approaches I can't help but feel a huge weight off my shoulders. I feel like this is a new chance to dust off the old worries, the bad memories of this year and start afresh and full of hope. As a family we've had a pretty rough year, we had to move from our long term family home in May, to a new house and area which hit me hard (I'm a creature of habit) shortly afterwards I was diagnosed with Depression which was sort of known about and understood amongst myself and my partner for quite some time. Although it was the first time I had so openly asked anybody for help. We battled on and with the unconditional love from Jacob and support and love from Mike we made plans for a better future. We moved again, to a different city for a new job that didn't work out, and we moved again, at least 3 times, short term renting until we found a long term solution. Along the way we've battled suspected measles, bereavements, more vehicle breakdowns then I can even comprehend! a complete upheaval, staying in the homes of friends and family with all our lovely belongings in storage for months on end. Basically just a complete uncertainty of what our future held and where we were headed! That combined with depression is enough to send anyone completely barmy.

Fortunately with everything still intact and my head together(ish) I'm still being positive, looking to the future, we're moving into our new house (long term woohoo) in the first week of January and I absolutely cannot wait to get my stuff out of storage and build my family home again. Jacob is a new man (well, baby) walking, gibbering away, off the formula and generally a happy little goofball. Mike and I are still strong (and at times that hasn't always been the case!) but I think in life, you take each day as it comes. There is so much to be thankful for, so much fun and silliness in everything. Staying strong in life is the hardest thing in the world but when you do it and you come out the other side, you feel invincible.

So what have I learnt in 2012?

• Having mega toddler style tantrums DO NOT solve anything at all, ever.

• You'll never be able to keep up with the Jones's. Stop trying.

• Your kid is a happy little loon, stop worrying/analysing/wondering if everything you are doing is wrong/shit/stupid.

• Change isn't always bad.

• Go easy on yourself. You will never be able to please everyone. Just be yourself, be kind and try not to mess up (too much)

• Give more time to people who are important and less time to people that aren't (I learnt that lesson the hardest way - when it was too late)

And lastly, • LAUGHTER really is the best tonic!

So Happy New Year everyone! Hope 2013 brings you all love and luck xoxox

Christmas.

Can't believe it's that time of year again. I absolutely love Christmas, I love the lead up, I love the lights, and the atmosphere, heck I even love the snow and the freezing weather. I also love NYE and the 30th (my birthday)
I basically feel December should be one big sparkly, wine and choc fest.
Before Jacob, I used to really love the staff Christmas "do". I used to actually enjoy cramming in the tiny toilet cubicle, off with the jeans and on with the tights, dress, nice shoes, glitter on the eyes, lippie and a quick spruce of the hair under the hand dryer (for volume dahhlings) And that "yes! We're not paying for any of this!" buzz you can see in everyone's eyes.
Since having Jacob, as amazing and fulfilling being a stay at home mum has been ("The only job that matters" says Queenie herself) I've really missed that feeling! It's my second Christmas where I haven't been at work and I'm lacking the enthusiasm I once had for it, weirdly! I think because Jacob is only 14 months, he still hasn't a clue what/when or who Christmas is. Although I'm sure the lights and atmosphere aren't lost on him. And our cosy afternoons at home watching Christmas films whilst commuters are waiting in the cold for packed trains and buses, sure aren't lost on me either!

But....I also haven't had that "Friday Feeling" for a long time either, that level of excitement that swirls around London at 5pm (or 3pm depending on where you work) every Friday afternoon.
I guess I'm missing work! And now that Jacob's a bit older I'll be preparing to go back. Ridiculously, I know once I'm at work I'll miss and crave Jacob and I's lazy afternoons on the sofa, and our fun days out and trips to the park.
In the meantime I'm trying to surround myself with friends and family, trying to get into the Christmas spirit again!